Teddy Bear's Picnic
by Erin T. Aardvark
Summary: Mike's aunt sends him a teddy bear bent on world domination
1. The Present

_AUTHOR'S NOTE: Another one of my early stories, written when I was still in high school, so there are some pretty random moments. As always, please read my fanfic "Monkee Magic" before you read this one. Mike's Aunt Beulah belongs to me, and the character Dr. Lynn Dova belongs to my sister. And the way Lynn is designed, she is NOT intended to be a love interest to any of the Monkees._

* * *

The Monkees and Peter's teenage nephew, Franky, were returning to the Pad after a club gig. On the front porch was a small package, wrapped up like a birthday present.

"'Ey, who could 'ave sent this?" Davy asked. "It's nowhere near any of our birthdays, is it?"

"Who's it for?" Micky asked. Davy picked up the package, and looked for a tag or something.

"It says to Little Mikey from Auntie Beulah," Davy said.

"Oh _no_!" Mike shouted, smacking his hand over his eyes. " _Not_ Aunt Beulah! _Any_ body but Aunt Beulah!"

"I take it you don't like her," Micky said.

"I don't," Mike replied. "She's an aunt on my mother's side of the family, so that would make her a witch. She calls me 'Little Mikey' and I can't _stand_ that nickname. And she thinks I'm still three years old. It's downright annoyin'. The last time she gave me a present was when I was ten years old and she sent me a pink rabbit suit. I looked like a deranged Easter Bunny. I wonder what she sent me this time? "

Mike ripped open the box and found a small, light tan teddy bear with a burgandy bow tie around his neck. The bottom of his feet and inside his ears were the same shade as his tie. Mike picked the bear up and made a face.

"Great," he said. "What the heck am I gonna do with this thing?"

"Well," Peter said, "it _is_ kinda cute."

"Yeah, sure, it's cute," Mike said. "But I'm a grown man! What do I need a teddy bear for?"

Mike tossed the bear over his shoulder and walked into the Pad, followed by the others. The teddy bear just lay there on the ground. Suddenly, he began to sit up, all on it's own.

"So Mikey Nesmith doesn't wanna play with me," he said. "Well, how about I play with him?"


	2. Teddy on the Town

The teddy bear stood up and walked out of the room. Mike was sitting in a chair, tuning his guitar, and working on a new song. As he was making notes on the lyrics the teddy bear climbed up his leg.

"What the heck?" he asked, looking. He figured the bear came with strings and Micky was pulling it like a puppet.

"Micky, is this your idea of a joke?!" he shouted.

"What?" Micky asked.

"Are you makin' this bear climb up my leg?"

"No, man. It's just a normal old teddy bear."

"Well then why is it crawlin' up my leg?"

"Beats me."

Mike groaned and threw the bear off. The bear came right back at him, like a boomerang. Mike threw it again, and it came back again.

"Okay, what's goin' on here?" he asked. He threw the bear one more time. This time, Peter caught it.

"What's going on, Mike?" he asked.

"That dumb bear," Mike said. "I can't seem to throw it away. You want it?"

"Yeah!" Peter shouted, hugging the bear tightly as he could. "Thanks, Mike! He's so cute!"

"Gah!" the bear choked. Peter just hugged it. Mike left the room.

"Hey!" the bear shouted. "Let go, you idiot! You're choking me!"

Peter stopped suddenly. He held the teddy bear up to his face and looked into his eyes.

"Did . . . did you just say something?" he asked. The teddy bear nodded. Peter dropped it and screamed.

"Mike! There's something weird about that teddy bear!" he shouted.

"Oh for Pete's sake, Pete!" Mike shouted, picking up the bear. "It's just an ordinary stuffed animal. Hey, Frank! Heads up!"

Mike threw the teddy bear. Franky caught it and walked over.

"Find somethin' to do with that, will you?" Mike asked.

"I know what to do with it," Franky said. "My friend, Calvin, has a seven-year-old sister, and she's sure to love it. If one of you will give me a ride, we can go drop it off."

"Sure," Peter said. "No problem."

Peter and Franky went out to the Monkee Mobile, carrying the teddy bear. Franky threw it into the car and he and Peter drove off. The teddy bear leaned up and crawled onto Peter's lap.

"Hiya," he said.

"Huh?!" Peter shouted. The teddy bear then jumped against the window and kicked Peter in the head.

"Move over, buddy boy, I'm drivin'!" he shouted and grabbed the steering wheel. Somehow, the car took off like a shot, without anyone even pushing the gas pedal. Peter and Franky were shocked.

"Hey!" Peter shouted, once he got his wits back. "Give me the wheel!"

"No way, Jose!" the teddy bear said. He began driving faster and faster.

"Okay, if you won't give me the wheel, at least slow down a little."

"Chicken!"

The teddy bear ran through five red lights in a row. Peter knew he was going to get a speeding ticket for this one, _that's_ for sure! As the bear was speeding along, he saw a girl coming down the street.

"Whoa mama!" he shouted. "Follow that babe!"

The bear turned the steering wheel as hard as he could. The car turned around, nearly overturning it. It smacked into a mailbox, and knocked it out of the ground. The bear went faster and faster trying to catch up with the girl. Of course, he swerved between cars, passing them. It all ended when the bear crashed into a lamp post, and a car crashed into the Monkee Mobile, and another car into that car, and another one, and so on and so on. The front of the Monkee Mobile was totaled, but Peter's first concern was his nephew.

"Franky, are you all right?" Peter asked. Franky just nodded. He looked scared to death.

"Y-yeah," he managed to choke out. "Yeah, I'm okay, Uncle Peter. I'm not hurt."

"That's good," Peter said. Suddenly, sirens filled the air.

"Uh oh," the bear said. "The fuzz! Catch you on the flip side, pal!"

The bear jumped out the window and a cop arrived on the scene.

"Hi," Peter said.

"Going a little fast, weren't you buddy?" the cop asked.

"It's a funny story, actually," Peter said, and he began laughing. "You're gonna laugh when you hear this!"

"See, we were on our way to my friend's house," Franky said, "when this teddy bear grabbed the steering wheel and took off. Ha, ha! Funny, isn't it?"

"Ha, ha, ha," the cop laughed. "Hysterical. Really funny."

Peter, Franky, and the cop started cracking up. The next thing they knew, Peter was getting a mug shot taken, having the cops take his fingerprints, and then he was locked in a cell. Franky was taken to the station while the police tried to contact his legal guardian. They didn't believe Peter _was_ his legal guardian, after this!

"What a day," Peter groaned. "Hey, don't I get a right to a phone call?"

"Yeah," the cop said. He handed Peter the phone. "Here."

"Thanks."

Peter let out a frustrated sigh and dialed the Pad. Luckily, Mike picked up.

"Hello?" he asked.

"Hey, Mike," Peter said. "It's me. You're not gonna believe this, man, but you know that teddy bear Franky took off your hands?"

"Yeah?"

"Well, it landed me in jail."

"What?! That's impossible!"

"No joke. It grabbed the steering wheel and sped off. I ended up in jail after the bear saw this chick walking down the street and he tried to follow her."

"Okay, fine. I'll come bail you out. Where's Franky?"

"The police are trying to contact his legal guardians. They didn't believe me when I told them it was me."

"Okay, fine. Where's the bear?"

"Well, when the cop showed up, he bailed out."

Mike sighed and hung up the phone. Then he went down to the police station to explain about Franky's guardianship, and bail out Peter.

"I hope you appreciate what I do for you," Mike said.

"I owe you big time," Peter replied. "I'm gonna tell you, there's something weird about that teddy bear your aunt gave you."

"Oh for Pete's sake, Peter, it's just a teddy bear!" Mike shouted. "It's a child's play thing. There is absolutely nothin' dangerous about it!"

Suddenly, there was a high pitched meow. Mike, Peter, and Franky ran for where it was coming from and saw three cats tied together by their tails! The smallest one was crying at the top of her lungs.

"Whoa, what happened here?" Mike shouted. Then he saw the giant knot in the cats' tails. "Other than the obvious tails tied together in a knot."

The cats began meowing, howling, and crying. Mike was leaning over them, with a look of pure concentration on his face.

"They said a teddy bear did it," he said.

"How'd you know what they said?" Peter asked.

"Didn't you hear them?" Mike asked. "They said it clear as day, man!"

"All I heard was a bunch of meowing," Peter said.

"Me too," Franky said. "I think you got a new power, Mike."

"Yeah, I guess I do," Mike said. "I think my Aunt Kate referred to this as a Dr. Doolittle, bein' able to understand animals and all."

Mike never really thought about it before, but his mother and his aunts _did_ tell him that he would be developing new abilities, since he found out he was part warlock.

"What did the bear look like?" Peter asked, trying to untie the cats' tails.

"They said it was sort of light tan and it had red in it's ears and on it's feet and it wore a red bow-tie," Mike said.

"Told you," Peter said. "Argh, I can't do this. I'm not good at untying knots."

"Don't look at me," Mike said. "I never learned knot tyin'. I wasn't in the Eagle Scouts for all that long."

The cats began crying then. Mike took a deep breath and stood up.

"Look, I'm gonna get you guys out of this mess," he said, "but it's gonna have some unforseen side effects. And I won't know what they are until I do this, okay? I've never done it before, so you gotta trust me."

The cats meowed, and stood still. Mike snapped his fingers and undid the knot in the cats' tails, but the tips of their tails were now bare.

"I'm sure the fur will grow back eventually," Mike said, petting the little one. "I can't put it back on for you now, kitties. If this teddy bear is dangerous, I might have to use my magic on it."

"So basically you're not gonna use any more magic until you see that bear," Peter said.

"Yep," Mike said, nodding. "You guys know I don't have unlimited powers, since I'm only half warlock."

"That makes sense," Peter replied.

Suddenly, a group of dogs and cats came running down the path, barking and meowing. Franky and the two Monkees dodged to avoid being trampled, and they ended up coming across the teddy bear.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't Mikey Nesmith," the bear said.

"All right, bear," Mike said, "knock off this nonsense right now or I'm gonna get ugly."

"Oh yeah?" the bear challenged.

"Yeah!" the Texan Monkee shouted. Then he realized something. "Wait a minute, what am I _do_ in'?! I'm arguin' with a teddy bear!"

The teddy bear laughed and jumped on Mike's face. Mike could barely breathe. He tried to pull it off, but the bear would not budge.

"Hee, hee, hee!" the bear laughed. "This is some fun!"

"Hey, cut that out!" Peter yelled.

The teddy bear stuck out his tongue at the blond Monkee and stayed put. Mike was practically suffocating, but the bear didn't seem to give a darn about that!

"Okay, that's all I can stand!" Franky shouted. "Because I can't stand no more! Play time's over, bear!"

Franky grabbed the bear, yanked him off Mike's face as hard as he could, and threw him into the air. Mike collapsed onto the ground and began to gasp for breath. The teddy bear crash landed (but it didn't hurt him because he was nothing but a stuffed toy), grumbled, and grabbed Mike's wool hat off his head. Then he stuffed it into his mouth and swallowed.

"Burp," the teddy bear said. "Excuse me." Then he walked off.

Mike, Peter, and Franky just stood there (well, Peter and Franky stood there, Mike sat there), bug-eyed. Never in their lives have they ever seen a teddy bear actually eat. Heck, they've never seen one walk and talk before, either! They just stood there, totally speechless, mouths gaping open.

"Wow," Peter said, finally.

"Double wow," Franky replied.

"Come on, guys," Mike said, standing up. "We've got to follow that bear!"


	3. Aunt Kate Pops In

The bear was walking along the street and finally got to the Pad. The bear smiled sneakily and threw himself down onto the ground and tried to look like a normal teddy bear.

"Hey, little fella," Micky said to it, picking it up. "What are you doing back here?"

"Come on, Micky," Davy said. "Lunch time."

"Oh right."

Micky walked into the dining room when Davy noticed the teddy bear.

"'Ave a new friend to sleep with at night to keep away the monsters under your bed, Micky?" he teased.

"Very funny," Micky said, glaring at the British Monkee. "You know this is Mike's bear!"

"Well, we 'ave to do something with this bear, if Mike doesn't want it."

"I wonder if it's got a name?"

"Yeah," the teddy bear said. "Your worst nightmare! Now put me down, fuzzy!"

Micky immediately dropped the bear. Davy looked shocked. The teddy bear laughed like crazy and ran outside. Micky and Davy followed it to see what it was going to do. It took out a garden hose.

"'Ey, you!" Davy shouted. "Put that down or I'll . . . . . I'll . . . . . I can't be _lieve_ I'm yelling at a teddy bear!"

"Believe it, buster!" the teddy bear asked, turning on the hose at full blast. Both Monkees were plastered to the wall of the pad. Then the bear laughed.

"Oh man," Micky groaned.

"That's gonna leave a mark," Davy added in a strained voice.

"Now its time for fun!" the bear said, and took a pair of scissors out of nowhere. "Hold still."

"Huh?" Micky asked.

Before anything else could happen, the teddy bear jumped onto Micky's back, and began slicing his hair off, like he was a Vegematic. Micky was left with a short, Beatle-esque cut.

"Hey!" he shouted.

"See you later, doofus!" the bear said, running off.

Micky and Davy just stared after it, as they managed to peel themselves off the wall. By that time, Mike, Peter, and Franky had returned.

"Looks like Teddy Terror struck here," Mike said. "Let me guess. It was havin' fun with your hair, huh, Mick?"

"What was your first clue?" Micky asked, sarcastically.

"Man, you really got butchered," Franky said.

"What kind of a bear is that anyway?" Davy asked.

"I don't know," Mike said. "But I don't think Aunt Beulah likes me too much. Somethin's tellin' me that's a magic bear."

"So what do we do?" Micky asked.

"Call Aunt Kate," Mike said. "She'll know what to do."

Mike walked over to the phone and dialed his favorite aunt in Texas.

"Hey, Aunt Kate," he said. "We have a slight problem."

"What's the matter?" Kate, answered.

"Aunt Beulah left a teddy bear on our doorstep," Mike explained.

"Oh, that Beulah," Kate said, with a chuckle. "She still thinks you're three years old."

"Yeah, but this one is wreakin' havoc on LA. So far, he's landed Peter in jail, tied three cats' tails in a knot, and chopped off Micky's hair. Maybe more. I'm not too sure."

Mike didn't get any answer. The line went dead all of a sudden.

"Hello?" he asked. "Hello? Aunt Kate? Are you there?"

POOF!

Smoke filled the room. Mike coughed, waved it away, and turned to face his aunt.

"How'd you do that?" he asked.

"It's a witch thing," Kate said. "You'll learn that trick someday, I'm sure. I've noticed that about Beulah. She's always givin' her nieces and nephews toys that are out to wreak havoc or take over the world."

"Is there anything we can do?" Micky asked.

"Well, then," Kate said. "We'll just have to track down that teddy bear and stop it from wreakin' havoc."

"How are we gonna track it down?" Mike asked.

"Follow the trail," Peter said.

"What trail?" Davy asked.

"That one," Peter said, pointing.

The trail happened to consist of chopped trees, stomped plants, and generally, a giant mess. The Monkees followed the trail for hours, but they couldn't find hide nor hair of the teddy bear.

"This is getting us nowhere," Micky said. "Look, it's almost nine o'clock."

"I think we'd all better call it a night," Kate said. "We'll pick up the chase tomorrow."

Everybody nodded and went back to the Pad. Kate popped out like she popped in. Once back at the Pad, Franky turned on the radio for the top ten countdown, hosted by a disc jockey named K.C. Casey. A Beach Boys song was playing, but suddenly, the song stopped, right in the middle.

"Ladies and gentlemen," K.C. Casey said. "There will be a brief pause in the program due to the Emergency Broadcast System. This is _not_ a test!"

A long beep was heard just then. Franky and the Monkees just looked at each other.

"Somethin' weird's goin' on," Mike said, putting his hand to his temple.

The signal stopped. K.C. Casey's voice came back on over the radio.

"Ladies and gentlemen, we're experiencing technical difficulties," he said. "We'll put on a couple of commercials for a little bit, and be back before you know it."

"Relax, Mike," Micky said. "It's just technical difficulties. Nothing to worry about."

"Well, I don't know," Mike replied, thinking it over. "I'm gettin' that funny feelin' in my right temple. You know that's where my trouble sensors are. Somethin's not quite right here."

Mike's trouble sensors had a good reason to act up. The teddy bear had taken over the booth at the radio station. The bear was pushing all the buttons, knocking records off the table, so on and so on, and he had K.C. Casey tied to the chair with the wires. He also had a scarf tied in his mouth.

"This is only the beginning," the teddy bear said, pushing the chair over to the closet. He shoved K.C. inside, closed the door, and locked it. "And there's nothing you can do about it!"

The teddy bear jumped up to the microphone and pushed the "on air" button.

"Teddy bears and all children's toys of the world unite," he said. "It's time we break free from our toy box prisons! It's time for a world take over! The world will be ours! Ha, ha, ha, ha! This message was brought to you by Roosevelt. Soon to be ruler of the world!"

Then, the teddy bear ran off. Nobody really noticed anything until an hour of nothing but dead air had played on the radio.

"I've never known any disc jockey to leave dead air on this long," Peter said.

"I think something weird's going on," Davy said. "I don't think anybody would listen to a radio program about teddy bears taking over the world."

"We'd better get to the radio station," Mike said.

With that, the Monkees took off to the radio station, as fast as they could.


	4. Teddy Roosevelt (no, not THAT one)

When the boys arrived at the radio station, they found the room ransacked.

"What a mess!" Mike shouted. "I wonder where the DJ is?"

"Probably taking a bathroom break or something," Micky said.

"For an hour?" Franky asked. Micky shrugged. Then they heard some muffled shouting coming from the closet.

"Somebody's in there," Davy said. He tried opening the door, but it was locked.

"I'll open it," Mike said. He backed up, and then ran for the door, kicking it open. When the boys saw K.C. Casey tied up inside, they gasped. Mike promptly removed the gag from his mouth.

"Thanks," K.C. said. "I'd thought I'd never get that thing out of my mouth."

"What happened?" Mike asked, as he and Davy started to untie the DJ.

"A teddy bear tied me up, gagged me, and locked me in the closet," K.C. explained. "Then, he announced his world domination scheme."

"We know," Micky said. "We heard all about it on the air."

"We'd better go talk to Aunt Kate about this," Mike said.

Immediately, the Monkees raced back to the Pad, and Mike got on the phone with his aunt.

"I had a feelin' this would happen," Kate said. "You'd better go to the hospital."

"Why?" Mike asked.

"It's in the center of town," Kate said. "Besides, the teddy bear is probably going to use brute force on somebody and hurt them."

Mike hung up, and relayed the news to the other Monkees, who decided to stay at the Pad in case the teddy bear came back.

When Mike got to the hospital, they found a doctor friend of the Monkees, Dr. Lynn Dova, examining some charts.

"Hey, Lynn," Mike said.

"What are you guys doing here, Mike?" Lynn asked.

"Has there been anyone comin' in sayin' they've been attacked by a teddy bear?" Mike asked.

"A _what_?!" Lynn shouted, giving Mike a weird look.

"A teddy bear. See, my Aunt Beulah, who thinks I'm still three years old, sent me a teddy bear and it's been wreakin' havoc all along LA. Now, it and all the other teddy bears of the world are gonna take it over. Along with all the toys of the world."

"Mike, I think you've been out in the sun too long."

"Dr. Dova! Dr. Dova!" a nurse shouted, rushing into the room. "We've got a problem in the children's wing. A teddy bear is holding two of the orderlies hostage. He's threatening them with a jump rope. He said he was going to unite with all the toys in the world and take over the world."

"Told ya," Mike said.

"I'm going to check this out," Lynn said.

"I'm comin' with you," Mike said.

Mike, Lynn, and the nurse went down to the children's wing and looked. All the toys that were in the waiting room had somehow come to life.

"Whoa!" Lynn shouted.

"Oh man!" Mike groaned.

"Well if it isn't Mikey Nesmith come to play," the teddy bear said.

"Who are you, exactly, bear?" Mike asked.

"My name is Roosevelt. But you can call me master. I'm taking over this planet, and there's nothing you can do to stop me!"

"Yeah, but why take a couple of orderlies hostage?"

"It was a plot to get you here, Mikey Nesmith. Okay, troops! Attack!"

A toy helicopter began zooming down, throwing small pellets at Mike. Other toys began to hit him with their best shots.

"We've got to help him!" the nurse shouted. Lynn nodded. She and the nurse ran to the door and opened it. Lynn gave Roosevelt a good kick, and he sailed out the door.

"Retreat!" he shouted. "Follow me, toys! This isn't finished yet, Mikey Nesmith!"

Roosevelt and his troops of toys took off. Mike heaved a sigh of relief.

"Mikey?" Lynn asked.

"That's what Aunt Beulah calls me," Mike explained. "Little Mikey. I can't stand that nickname!"

"What are we gonna do about the teddy bears?" Lynn asked.

"I'm thinkin', Lynn, I'm thinkin'," Mike said.

Mike would have to do a lot of thinking. The teddy bears were wreaking havoc at the Pad again.

"Why can't they bother someone else?" Micky asked.

Roosevelt smiled and pulled out Groucho Marx glasses and a container of super glue. He dumped the glue all over the glasses and then jumped into Davy's arms.

"Happy birthday, Pretty Boy!" he shouted, and stuck the Groucho Marx glasses on Davy, and he couldn't get them off.

"They're stuck!" he shouted.

"Maybe Dr. Dova can get them off," Franky said. "Let's go over to the hospital."

"Women and Groucho Marx first!" Davy added, as he walked out of the Pad, Groucho Marx style, complete with a pantomime cigar.

Roosevelt and his troops of teddy bears laughed. Everything was according to plan. Their next phase was to destroy Mike's center of operation: Riverview General Hospital.

Meanwhike, Mike was trying to think of a way to stop the teddy bears when the other Monkees arrived on the scene. Mike took one look at Davy, and tried not to laugh. It didn't work. Within seconds, he was in hysterics.

"What the heck happened to you?" he asked, still laughing. "Ha, ha, haaaaa!"

"Teddy Roosevelt," Davy said. "And I don't mean the twenty-sixth president of the United States of America, eithah!"

"That bear of yours glued those glasses on Davy's face and we can't get them off," Peter explained.

"I don't know if I can get them off, either," Lynn said, stifling her own laughter. "I've never surgically removed Groucho glasses before."

Mike stopped laughing, and began pacing back and forth, trying to think of what to do to stop those bears. Micky was thinking too, and in the distance, he heard drumming.

"What the heck is that?" he asked. He looked out the window, and saw a fleet of teddy bears marching at them.

"Uh oh," Micky said. "Hey, Mike!"

"What?" Mike asked.

"Look."

Peter was closer to the window than Mike was, so he looked. His eyes grew wide and he gulped.

"What?" Mike asked. Peter just gulped.

"Let me see," Lynn said. She looked and she too gulped!

"Would someone mind tellin' me what 'gulp' is?" Mike asked. Lynn and Peter just merely pointed out the window, and gulped again. Mike groaned and looked. He saw the teddy bears coming in, and they all sort of resembled Theodore Roosevelt. Of course, Mike gulped.

The teddy bears were marching in. Roosevelt blew his whistle, and lumberjack teddy bears came onto the scene with their axes and began to chop away at the building. The group was on the top floor of the building, so they couldn't see the lumberjacks, but they felt their axes! With every swing of the ax, the building would shake!

"What is that?!" Micky shouted.

"Maybe it's an earthquake," Davy asked.

"I don't think it's earthquake season," Peter said.

"Well, whatever it is," Mike said, struggling to stay on his feet. "We're right in the middle of it!"

The lumberjack bears swung on and on. Peter looked out the window to see if the bears had anything to do with it, and he realized the ground was getting closer.

"We're falling!" he shouted.

"What?" Mike asked.

"Like a tree in the woods," Micky said.

"Oh no!" Davy shouted.

"TIMBER!" Franky shouted.

CRASH!

The entire building collapsed. Amazingly enough, no one was hurt. They climbed out of the mess, groaning, however.

"Oh!" Davy squeaked.

"Anybody get the license number of that milk truck?" Mike asked, dazed.

"Swell," Micky said, sarcastically. "He hit his head. And the last time that happened, his magic went out."

"What are we going to do with the patients?" a nurse asked.

"We're going to have to transport them to the medical center across town," Lynn said.

Lynn gathered up all the hospital personnel, and they got to work. The lumberjack bears came dancing along the edge of the rubble, whistling "Alleuette." The smallest one turned to the group, stuck his tongue out, and blew a raspberry at them. Then he caught up with the others. It wasn't over yet. The dust cleared, and there was an entire line of teddy bears that looked a heck of a lot like Theodore Roosevelt.

"CHARGE!" they shouted. They ran toward our heroes.

"RUN!" Mike shouted. Everybody ran, except Micky.

"We speak softly," the bears said. "But we carry a biiiiiiig stick!"

"You have _got_ to be kidding," Micky said, giving the bears a Look.

One of the bears took his big stick and whacked Micky's foot with it, as hard as he could.

"AAAAHHHH!" the drummer screamed. He clutched his foot, and began jumping up and down. "Ow! Ouch! Eee! Ooh! Man! That hurt!"

"Are you all right?" Mike asked.

"I think those little monsters broke my foot!" Micky shouted.

"We'll go down to the medical center and fix it," Lynn said. "It isn't too far from here."

Micky nodded and leaned on Lynn and Mike for support. Everybody else ran to the medical center. A lot of nurses were looking after the patients. Two or three of them were injured when the building collapsed. Lynn was busy putting a cast on Micky's foot.

"You want to keep your weight off your foot," Lynn said, handing him a pair of crutches. "And whatever you do, don't get the cast wet, or you'll be hearing from me."

"Got it," Micky said, and he hobbled off. Lynn turned to Mike.

"Tell me something, Mike," she said. "Does your aunt Beulah even _like_ you?"

"If she sends me a teddy bear bent on world domination, I guess not," Mike answered. "I'm gonna call Aunt Kate and see if she can talk to Aunt Beulah."


	5. The Bears Are Coming

While Mike was calling his aunt, Franky was trying to pry the Groucho glasses off of Davy's face.

"Take it easy, Franky!" Davy shouted. "Don't rip my face off!"

"I'm trying, I'm trying!" Franky shouted.

"OW!" Davy cried as Franky finally got the glasses off him. "Thanks, mate, I needed that."

"No problem," Franky replied as he tossed the glasses aside. "At least we got one thing taken care of."

Davy nodded, and went up onto the roof, where Micky was standing around with a pair of binoculars, watching for Roosevelt and his troops. He caught sight of them TP-ing the television studio.

"Whoa," he said. "These bears mean business."

"Keep an eye out," Davy said. "I'll tell Mike!"

Micky nodded. The bears turned around and began heading for the medical center.

"Wait up, Davy!" he shouted, and did his best to go back inside. He managed to catch up with Davy and both of them began to shout,

"The bears are coming! The bears are coming!"

"Correct me if I'm wrong," Lynn said, "but isn't that supposed to be the British are coming?"

"No!" Davy shouted. "The bears ah back!"

"And they're headed this way!" Micky shouted.

"I'll handle this," one of the other doctors said. Mike and Lynn followed him.

"Doc, you can't face 'em," Mike said.

"They speak softly," Micky said, "but they carry a biiiiiiiig stick! Remember?"

"Yeah, did you see what they did to Micky's foot?" Davy asked.

"Besides, their big sticks are practically the size of a sequoia!" Mike shouted.

"Mr. Nesmith," the doctor said, "if you and your friends aren't going to help, stay inside."

The bears marched to the opening of the medical center. The doctor stood there, growling.

"Give up while you can, bears!" he shouted.

"We speak softly," the Teddy Roosevelt look-alikes said. "But we carry a biiiiiiiig stick!"

With that, one of the bears whacked the doctor's with the stick. Like Micky's foot, the doctor's hand was completely broken.

"EEEOWWWW!" he screamed.

"Uh, doc, are you okay?" Mike asked.

"OF COURSE I'M NOT OKAY, YOU BOZO!" the doctor screamed. "THOSE REJECTS FROM A SAWDUST FACTORY JUST BROKE MY HAND, YOU MORON! YOU DOPE! YOU IDIOT! YOU DURFLE WURFLE DING DONG RAZZEN FRAZZEN . . . . ."

"Uh, Mel," Lynn said, "I think you need a rest. We'll fix your hand. There's nothing to worry about."

The doctor nodded. Mike was practically in shock. Never in his life had he seen a doctor freak out like that. They went back inside and set the doctor's hand.

"There's still the problem of the bears," Mike said.

"Zap 'em for heaven's sake!" Lynn shouted.

"Can't," Mike said. "Battery's busted."

"Just the words I've been waiting for, Mikey Nesmith!" Roosevelt shouted. "And Auntie Kate isn't here to help you!"

"We speak softly, but we carry a biiiiiig stick!" the troops shouted. Just then, Micky got an idea.

"Oh yeah?" he said, mischievous look in his eyes. "Well, I speak loudly, and I carry a biiiiiigger stick."

Micky whacked one of the bears with one of his crutches. Then he threw one aside and balanced as best he could. He used the other one as a golf club.

"Fore!" he shouted, hitting the bear like a golf ball as hard as he could.

"All right, Micky!" Davy shouted. The other bears began to charge. Micky just whacked them like golf balls. However, one of them was a little smarter. He kicked Micky crutch and the drummer fell.

"Rats!" he shouted.

"Prepare to surrender, big mouth!" the bear shouted.

"I'm not licked yet!" Micky shouted.

The bear came forward. Micky had one other plan up his sleeve, although he knew it was going to hurt. He glared, bent his knee and then thrust his foot at the bear as hard as he could. Due to the heavy cast, and the force of Micky's kick, the bear was sent flying.

"Groovy!" Franky shouted. "That was a great idea, Mick!"

"Smashing!" Davy shouted.

"Even I couldn't have done it better, man," Mike said.

"That must've hurt, though," Peter said. "What with kicking that bear with your cast."

"Ha, no big deal," Micky said, grabbing his crutches. When he knew the others weren't looking, a pained expression came over his face, and he groaned and gnashed his teeth together.

"We're not done yet, Mikey Nesmith!" Roosevelt shouted. He blew on a whistle and a fleet of tin soldiers, helicopters, airplanes, tanks, and all other assorted toys came out.

"If we all split up, it'll make it harder for them to catch us," Mike said. "Lynn, you and your staff stay here and take care of the patients. Franky, you stay here too."

"Why me?" Franky asked.

"You're too young, shotgun. This could be dangerous."

"Too young?! Too young?! Mike, I'm thirteen years old, I have a green belt in karate, and you already know I have a better right hook than you!"

"Sorry, shotgun. But this is a little too dangerous even for a green belt."

Franky groaned. He'd go along with the plan, but he wouldn't like it.

The first thing the Monkees did was lead the toys away from the medical center so they couldn't do any damage to any patients. That worked. Then they split up. Mike and Peter were trying to avoid being clobbered by the Teddy Roosevelt Troop's big sticks.

"Ha! Missed!" Peter shouted. The bears swung. "Missed again!"

"Missed me!" Mike teased. "Is that the best you bears can do?"

The bears swung around for a long time. But Mike and Peter were fast, that was for sure. The bears finally got tired of using their sticks, and brought out a large toy canon, that shot real cannon balls.

"FIRE!" one shouted.

The cannon fired, and Mike and Peter ducked just in the nick of time.

"Let's split!" Mike shouted, and he and Peter took off like a shot.

Micky and Davy weren't having much luck escaping the tin soldiers. The bayonets they were using were sharp!

"We've got to move a little fastah or we're shish kebob!" Davy shouted. "Come on, Micky! Put on some speed!"

"Put on some speed, he says," Micky said. "Try having a teddy bear hit your foot with a stick the size of a sycamore, and see how fast _you_ run!"

Davy just shrugged. He was getting away from the soldiers fine. Micky was having the problems! It wasn't easy running with crutches, that was for sure! The two of them reached a dead end.

"What do we do now?" Davy asked. Micky noticed they were up against a fence.

"Climb over the fence!" he shouted.

Davy nodded and climbed. Then he helped Micky over. The two of them were now in some kind of backyard with a large pool. Of course, the tin soldiers marched directly through the fence.

"Good plan," Davy said, sarcastically. "What's next, fearless leadah?"

"Well, we either jump into the pool," Micky said, "or we become Monkee shish kebob. Take your pick."

"Why would jumping into the pool 'elp us?"

"Tin rusts, Davy."

"Oh. Well, uhh, what do you say?"

"I say Geronimo!"

Micky pinched his nose shut and jumped into the pool. Davy looked at the pool and then the soldiers. He shrugged and pinched his nose shut as well.

"Sitting bull!" he screamed and jumped. The tin soldiers stopped dead in their tracks.

"They went into the pool. Sir!" one shouted.

"We can't go in after them. Sir!" another shouted. "We'll rust. Sir!"

"Nyah-nyah-nyah-nyah-nyah!" Davy and Micky taunted. "Nyah-nyah-nyah-nyah-nyah!"

The two of them started laughing and the soldiers marched away.

"Yyyess!" Davy shouted. "Anothah brilliant move, Micky. I don't know 'ow you do it!"

"I've been hanging around Mike a lot," Micky said. "I tell ya, he gets _the_ greatest ideas whenever he's in a scrape."

Davy and Micky were laughing about the tin soldiers, but they failed to notice an inflatable shark (cue the _Jaws_ theme!) Micky felt something was in the water with them, so he turned around, saw the fin, and gasped.

"SHARK!" he screeched, and high tailed it out of the pool. The minute he jumped out, he crashed into a deck chair and fell.

"Wha?" Davy asked, giving Micky a funny look. Then, something out of the ordinary happened.

CHOMP!

"YEEEOOOOWWWWW!" Davy shrieked. The inflatable shark at bitten him in the rear end.

"That shark just bit me in me bum!" he shouted.

"Yeah," Micky said. "And I think he liked how you tasted. Come on. We'd better get out of here before he considers you the main course!"

The two of them ran off the best they could. They went back to the medical center. Lynn was drinking coffee, wondering when it would all end.

"Lynn! We have a problem!" Micky shouted.

"What is it?" Lynn asked, turning around. Then she gasped. Both Davy and Micky were soaked.

"Didn't I tell you not to get the cast wet?!" she reprimanded as she reapplied the cast on Micky's foot.

"Hey," Micky said, shrugging, "I was faced with a tough decision. Jump into the pool and get chewed out for getting the cast wet, or become Monkee shish kebob."

"I think I would 'ave preferred it if 'e became Monkee shish kebob," Davy muttered. Micky heard him and glared at him.

"Oh, shut up, Shark Bait!" he shouted.

"Shark Bait?" Lynn asked, giving Davy a funny look.

"Yeah . . . ." Davy said, then he cleared his throat, a little nervously. "See, this shark kind of . . . . bit me in me bum."

Lynn gave him a weird look.

"Yee-ah," she added. "Okay." Then she got to work patching up Davy's bum.

It was becoming harder to out run the teddy bears. Mike and Peter were being chased into a building. They ran to the roof, and shut the door that led the stairs to the roof. Of course, the teddy bears tried to break it down.

"What do we do now?" Peter asked.

"I guess we have to jump," Mike said.

"Jump?! We've got to be twenty stories up! I think I'd rather take my chances with the teddy bears."

The bears suddenly burst through the door. Mike gulped, grabbed Peter's hand, and jumped.

"I hope you know what you're doing!" Peter shouted.

"Trust me!" Mike yelled. "I just hope my battery's back to workin'!"

Peter covered his eyes with his hands. Mike took a deep breath, and snapped his fingers. A trampoline appeared out of nowhere. He and Peter landed on that and bounced back up to the roof.

"Hiya, teddy," Mike said to Roosevelt.

"Huh?" Roosevelt asked.

"You know you forgot one minute detail."

"What?"

"I'm taller than you, and I'm a heck of a lot stronger than you!"

"I was hoping he'd never figure that out!"

Mike grabbed the teddy bear and put it in a headlock. Then he and Peter took him down to the ground floor. Roosevelt choked.

"Give me back my hat!" Mike demanded. Roosevelt coughed it up. "And anythin' else that you've eaten that you shouldn't have!"

Roosevelt coughed up a pen, some needles from the hospital, a motorcycle helmet, a fireman's helmet, a stereo speaker, a bookshelf, the complete works of William Shakespeare, a movie projector, a television set, a deck of cards, a table, five paintings, a grand piano, a school bus, a fire engine, a minivan, a football arena, the San Francisco Forty-Niners, the San Diego Chargers, the Dallas Cowboys, the Washington Redskins, the Philadelphia Eagles, an elephant, a giraffe, a globe, a map of San Francisco, a stack of magazines, thirty-five record albums, a television camera, the NBC peacock logo, a Mickey Mouse costume directly from Disneyland, the tracks to the Disneyland railroad, Space Mountain (the entire thing), a motorcycle, a frog, a toad, twelve drummers drumming, eleven pipers piping, ten lords a-leaping, nine ladies dancing, eight maids a-milking, seven swans a-swimming, six geese a-laying, (start singing here) fiiiiive golden rings! Four calling bids, three french hens, two turtle doves, and a partridge in a pear tree!

"Is that all?" Peter asked, completely dumbfounded.

"He's eaten everythin' but the kitchen sink!" Mike shouted.

"One minute," Roosevelt said. He let out a belch, and a kitchen sink came flying out.

"Okay," Mike said, letting Roosevelt go. "He's eaten everything!"

"You just made a goof, Mikey Nesmith!" Roosevelt shouted. He whistled, and a teddy bear arrived, and he looked like Count Dracula.

"I vant to bite your neck!" he shouted, revealing fangs.

"RUN!" Mike yelled, dropping Roosevelt. He and Peter took off. They made it back to the medical center in one piece.

"I need to hit it with the magic, you guys," he said. "My power's back, so let's go!"


	6. Bear Blast

The Monkees started to make a run over to the scene of the last crime. Davy and Micky looked at the pile of stuff in the middle of the road.

"What the heck is all that?" Micky asked.

"Roosevelt's dinner," Mike answered.

"It looks like he ate everything but the kitchen sink!"

"He did. You just can't see it."

"Oh."

"Well, well, well," Roosevelt said. "Mikey Nesmith has come back to play!"

"So 'ave the rest of us!" Davy shouted. He picked up a pole laying on the ground and thrust it at the bears.

"Take this!" Peter yelled, throwing some of the records that were there at Roosevelt, like they were frisbees.

Their attacks sent Roosevelt and his troops of teddy bears into the wall. But Roosevelt wasn't licked yet. He blew on a whistle, and the teddy bears attacked the boys. They did their best to hold them off. The teddy bears somehow threw the records right back at them. They hit them both in the head.

"Ow!" Davy shouted.

"Double ow!" Peter yelled. He and Davy just sat there, too dazed to move.

Micky stepped up to the bears, and pried the tire off one of the motorcycles. He rolled it at them, but the bears sent it right back, and it ran over Micky.

"Strike!" Micky shouted, dazed.

Mike pointed his indext finger at the bears, and began blasting his magic at them. The bears ducked, and dodged. Mike couldn't seem to hit them. He stopped, mainly because he didn't want his battery to go dead. Then he began throwing knick knacks from the pile at the bears. Roosevelt just laughed. He blew his whistle and a teddy bear dressed as a cowboy twirled a jump rope over his head like it was a lasso. He threw it, and encircled Mike.

"Oh boy," Mike groaned.

The cowboy teddy bear then wound the jump rope around Mike, tying him up. The Texan Monkee writhed to break free. The cowboy bear laughed and pushed him to the ground.

"Whoooaaa!" Mike screamed as he fell. He landed with a thud, and still trying to break out, but it was no use. He was tied too tight.

"How do you like them apples?" Roosevelt said. "You did this to me, Mikey Nesmith!"

"I did?" Mike asked. "How?"

"You rejected me!" Roosevelt shouted. "Do you know what rejection does to a teddy bear, Mikey Nesmith?!"

"Obviously turns them into psychos who want to take over the world," Mike said, rolling his eyes.

"You shut up!" Roosevelt said. "You should have kept me around and played with me, Mikey Nesmith! Then you and your friends wouldn't be in this situation!"

"Okay, you caught us," Mike said. "Now what are you gonna do with us?"

"Destroy you all," Roosevelt said. "One by one. And you're going to be the last to go, Mikey Nesmith, so you can see your friends say bye-bye!"

The Monkees looked at each other, nervously.

"Now what ah we gonna do?!" Davy shouted.

"Looks like we're cooked!" Mike shouted.

"Soitainly!" one of the teddy bears shouted, like Curly on _The Three Stooges._ "Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck!"

The Monkees looked at each other. There wasn't anything they could do. The only thing that would help them was Mike's magic, but it didn't look like he'd be able to do anything any time soon.

Just then, Mike had an idea. He began thinking about the kitchen sink Roosevelt had eaten. He concentrated hard on it, until it started to move. It rose into the air, and a shadow fell upon Roosevelt.

"Oh no," Roosevelt groaned. The sink came crashing down on him.

WHAM!

"Whoa!" Micky shouted. "How did you do that?"

Mike didn't answer right away. He closed his eyes and concentrated, and managed to untie himself without even having to lift a finger. He stood up, and smiled.

"Mental telepathy," he said.

Mike walked over to the sink and pulled it off Roosevelt. He staggered around, a bit dazed. He looked up at Mike, and saw him cracking his knuckles.

"I think I'm in trouble," he said.

"You got it!" Mike shouted, standing up. He concentrated as hard as he could, and looked at Roosevelt.

Mike pulled out all the stops and blasted Roosevelt with all the magic he could muster. The teddy bear screamed.

"This can't happen!" he shouted. "I was so close to taking over the world! So close! Arrrgghhhh!"

KA-BOOM!

The entire fleet of teddy bears exploded. They all went to pieces, stuffing flying everywhere, eyes, noses and appendages falling to the ground. And thanks to the explosion, everyone fell off their feet. Every single one of them were dazed.

"Teddy go boom," Peter said.

"What a bang," Micky groaned.

"Anybody get the license numbuh of that truck?" Davy asked. Then he shook his head to regain his senses. "Mick, I've got to agree with you."

"What?" Micky asked.

"What a bang!"

Some more smoke appeared. The boys coughed and waved it away.

"Aunt Kate, I'm gonna tell you this now," Mike said. "These surprise entrances of yours are startin' to get on my nerves."

"Sorry," Kate said. "What happened?"

"I got rid of the teddy bear brigade," Mike answered, barely able to stand up. "And I think I nearly killed myself in the process."

"Why's that?" Kate asked.

"I used all the magic I had in my system," Mike explained, "and now I feel like I'm gonna drop dead!"

With that, Mike fainted. Peter and Davy caught him before he hit the ground, however. They took him back to the medical center, but no one was there, except Franky.

"The hospital got restored," he said.

"As well as my hair," Micky added. "Thank goodness!"

"Yeah, great," Davy said. "Uh, can we get back to the hospital? I don't think I can hold onto our fearless leadah much longer, you know! Me arms are gonna fall off!"

Kate transported the group to the hospital post haste. Mike woke up twenty minutes later and looked around.

"What happened?" he asked.

"Once the teddy bears were destroyed," Davy explained. "Everything was restored."

"Including my hair, my foot and Dr. Mel's hand," Micky said. "How are you feeling?"

"Wiped out," Mike said. "Those powers take a lot out of me. By the way, Aunt Kate, did you talk to Aunt Beulah?"

"I did," Kate said. "She said she was surprised the bear tried to take over the world. They only do that when someone rejects it or refuses to play with it. Or if it's a gift to a mortal, they forget to check out tags and things like that. All witch bears have warning labels on them somewhere."

"I never knew that. Why's Aunt Beulah so surprised?"

"She thought you would love it!"

"Oh good grief, she still thinks I'm a three-year-old! Someone should tell her I've aged about eighteen years!"

Everybody laughed. It was the end of another adventure for the Monkees. They would never have to worry about another teddy bear taking over the world. But be warned. If you ever buy a teddy bear or receive a teddy bear as a gift, check all the labels and tags. One might just try to take over the world when you're not looking!

The End


End file.
